Keeping Spiritual Rhythms Outside of A Regular Schedule

About eight years ago, I went to confession with a Dominican priest in a gorgeous chapel in Nashville, Tennessee. Despite the beautiful architecture that framed this sacramental encounter, I was distressed. I couldn’t, for the life of me, stick to any sort of consistent prayer life, I told the priest who sat across from me in his flowing white cassock. My commitment to any sort of focused prayer time - even just 10 minutes of undivided attention for Jesus! - was fraught with laziness, forgetfulness and a persistent lack of prioritization. I would repeatedly renew my commitment to a personal prayer time, but I would never make it more than a few days before I missed a day of prayer. 

This priest - whose name I do not know - will forever be endeared to me for his American directness. 

“What time do you get up in the morning?” 

“Oh, well, I don’t have a set time that I get up each day. It really depends on what’s happening in my life.” 

“Well that won’t work. If you want to be holy, you need to pick a time to get up each morning.” 

That day in confession was an epiphany for me. Through his serious tone, kind heart and direct words, that Dominican priest woke me up to the seriousness of having a routine for holiness.

He clarified for me that one does not spontaneously become a saint. Grace is abundant and we are utterly dependent on the grace of God, but in order to become saints, we need to actively work with grace. A practical way that we can work with grace is to commit to a routine that draws us to Jesus. 

This principle of routine that the Dominican priest introduced to me, I later came to know as a “rule of life.” 

Having a “rule of life” is a Catholic tradition wherein a person selects a set of commitments or “rules” to follow each day in order to consistently grow closer to Jesus. Most religious orders follow a detailed rule of life that governs when they get up, what prayers and for how long they pray each day, meal times, etc. For the laity, we are generally not called to live a religious-style rule of life. However, the principle of having unchanging commitments that ensure that we remain in a momentum of holiness is just as critical for the laity as it is for a priest, religious or consecrated person.

My life has often been akin to what we all experience during the summer holidays: lots of flux and irregularities and spontaneity. Yet even amid summertime vacation or an irregular lifestyle,  having a rule of life transforms the question of “will I pray?” into the question of “how or where will I pray?” Maybe I’ll pray somewhere unconventional like a new church or on a beach or on a road trip in the quiet back corner of the car, but either way the commitment grounds me and reminds me to plan, even amid the flux of life's irregularities. 

Over the past two years, with the support of a spiritual director, I have committed to a simple rule of life that comes in two forms. 

I selected a list of spiritual commitments to Jesus that I do each day, no matter what, and then I wrote them down and signed it as the formal document that it is. This “basic” version of my rule of life is a lifelong commitment and as such, it is a short list that I could reasonably commit to for my entire life, regardless of what the future holds. For instance, in the basic version of my rule, I am committed to having 20 minutes of personal prayer time every day. I knew that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever be in a circumstance where I couldn’t pray for 20 minutes, so I made that commitment with peace and confidence. 

At present, I am a single person with a lot of flexibility. Given that state of life, I also wanted to make a temporary rule that was exclusive to my present season of life. I wanted to give my abundant liberty to God by choosing a more rigorous rule of life that will endure as long as my present lifestyle continues.

This second rule of life includes commitments to attending daily Mass on set days, immediately getting up with my alarm clock each day to pray, spending at least 40 minutes in personal prayer each day, and various other commitments that I can do now, but which may be incompatible with future states of life. 

While there are lots of ways to choose your rule of life, my rule of life only pertains to commitments that are directly connected to my formal prayer life. The intent of this commitment is to ensure that prayer is interwoven into every part of my day. If you are looking to form a rule of life for yourself, I found this couple to be inspiring in their endeavor to commit their entire family to a rule!

Overall, having a rule of life gives me a tremendous sense of simplicity and security in my life. I don’t have to renegotiate and decide each day how much or if I’m going to pray; that’s already decided for me. 

Especially in the summer, when weddings and vacations and spontaneous adventures abound, the idea of “routine” can seem both implausible and dour. I’ve wrestled with this frustration myself; routine often clashes with my instincts. I’ve responded to this frustration in two ways. One, my rule of life does not list any particular schedule. This means that I have the flexibility to fulfill my commitments at irregular hours and in irregular places. Secondly, I remind myself what a rule is for. This is not a chain that drags me into monotony. This is a force of love. A rule of life is a call to govern our lives by that which we love most: Jesus. 

During the holidays, I often return to the lesser demands of my “basic” rule of life, but I still take a few minutes in the morning to think through how I’ll remain steady in my commitments to Jesus. Whether it's summertime or the Christmas holidays or I’m traveling across Europe, seasons of leisure are a gift and remaining committed to my rule of life ensures that I keep the Giver of such gifts at the front and center of everything. 

I used to never trust myself to do what I said I would do and having this foundation of routine is actively healing my wounded relationship with myself. By God’s grace, I see myself being consistent in a way that I could never trust myself to be in the past. This little piece of paper represents the marvels that God can work through a heart that is open to commitment. 

I also find it helpful that my spiritual director and I check in once a month regarding my rule of life. I’ve only been following a rule of life for about two years, so within that timeframe I haven’t changed anything but having the wisdom of a spiritual director keeps me both humble and ambitious in my routine.

Overall, I’ve found that when something is truly important to me, when I truly love someone, I almost always make a plan to prioritize the mission or to see them consistently. Spontaneous expressions of love are one of the best parts of life, but we are mercurial beings that have feelings which ebb and flow, lifestyles that come and go. With this in mind, I know that my love for Christ and my desire to become a saint cannot be left to impulse. A plan is needed. A plan is how love unfolds in the practical. 

It’s wonderful to spontaneously do the right thing - and as we grow in holiness our impulses become more and more inclined to goodness. But I love Jesus much too much to leave my love for him to chance - even if the chances are really good! Whether I’m wrapped up in free-floating vacation or locked into a steady 9-5 rhythm, Christ is unmovable in my life and having a rule of life is the practical way in which I ensure that my number one is actually number one.